Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Song of the Strategic Sword Salute

I am no poet. I write perhaps a poem a year. But tonight I’ve written one I’m proud of, and want to share. First, some context: A colleague of mine took her Senior College Lit. Class to see the new film version of Beowulf, which was rated PG-13. She reported that it was good, very bloody, and filled with airbrushed nipples and conveniently placed objects to hide Beowulf’s… epic heroism? What follows is an edited version of our email conversation:

Lori,
I thought you could use this in class. Beowulf: A review in verse.
It's by Dana Stevens, the film critic for Slate, and one of my favorite critics. In fact, after this review she's my favorite, hands down. Enjoy!
-Ben

Ben,
Ah-hah!
I love it! I will share this with them tomorrow. Their reviews are due tomorrow as well. They had to give an overall evaluation and recommendation but zero-in specifically on two strong points and two weak points --I told the boys their two strong points could not be Angelina's boobs.
--Lori

Lori,
Could Angelina's boobs be the strong points if they wrote about them in verse? Points lost for lechery, but made up for in creativity?
-Ben

Ben,
Hmmm . . . perhaps. I don't suppose I'd mind so much either if the girls did "an Ode to Beowulf's Buttocks" (or a "Song of the Strategic Sword Salute"). Ha ha!
Did you guys go see it yet?
-Lori

Lori,
We were planning on going Sunday, had a babysitter and everything, and decided to go to Olive Garden and just enjoy each other's company instead.
I do want to read "Song of the Strategic Sword Salute", though. A limerick or two, perhaps:

Silly MPAA,
Look how many extras we slay.
Unprincipled movie raters,
What made you penis and nipple haters?
And why do you find so much violence okay?

So a sword must be strategically placed.
And often, since he moves with such haste.
Characters can lose their heads.
Kids can take that image to their beds.
So long as they don't see that which has been replaced.


-Ben

2 comments:

@bdul muHib said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
@bdul muHib said...

Haven't seen it yet, but not sure if I will. I turned off 300 after 1/2 an hour because of the violence (not to mention the racism and historical anachronisms).

There's another bit going on here- the rising cost of entertainment. We didn't see it because

1) downtown theatres now charge $10 to see a movie
2) it was opening night, so we'd need to get the tickets online, and there's a $1 service charge
3) there's a $1 convenience fee, that's separate from the service charge,
4) there's a $2 3-D fee, and
5) $4 parking fee to see it in the only theatres playing in this area.

For this price, I can have more fun and go see a play.

But I will say this, from what I've heard, there's been one major improvement- I always secretly knew that Grendel's mom was hot.