But I had a pet silverback gorilla.
His name was Fluffy, which seemed totally appropriate when he was just a baby.
Then he grew up. Pretty soon things got a little frightening.
After Paige and I started dating, Fluffy created a lot of tension for us. Eventually she would say things like, "I just feel like we're not alone when we're in your apartment," or "It's Fluffy or me," or "You do realize he could rip one of your arms off on accident, don't you?"
But I was very loyal to Fluffy until he did, in fact, rip a UPS man's arm off when Fluffy got to excited about a delivery.
That was the first and last time I had to admit to Paige that she was right and I was wrong. I'll never put myself in that position again. And I learned my lesson. Fluffy had to go so that I could forge a relationship in which I'm always right.
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Truth about me:
Against my express desires, we had a monkey move in with us for 2 weeks. His name was Gus, after St. Augustine, who came from where we and the monkey lived. I had told the owners, who were going to Spain for a few days, that I was absolutely refusing to have the monkey stay with us, because I knew they are wild animals and shouldn't be housed with humans, despite the common practice of getting a pet monkey. They did an end run around me and went to my roommates. But it was only for a few days.
Then they got delayed and it became two weeks. And it turned out I was right, as the monkey peed on all the couches and was generally wild and made a big stink from it's cage. I tried to be friends with it, but it was difficult, with it's lack of hygene, and I found I couldn't go as far as one of my roommates, who regularly took showers with it. (*Issues*)
Finally the last day, when he was about to leave, I cuddled Gus, and let him know, that, despite our differences, I still cared for him. Then after that mutual bonding was done, I turned my back, and, in a last effort to connect, he jumped on my head from behind. But you know how you feel when a large spidery-type object weighing twenty pounds jumps on your head? I did the same thing, and instinctively threw the monkey across the room. Thankfully, he was unhurt, physically, but I think there was an emotional distance between us ever after.
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